Before something can be done about the increase in bullying, one first needs to be able to identify a bully.
\nColleen Johnson, an educational psychologist, says that children are put under a lot of pressure in today\u2019s world.
\n\u201cChildren are dealing with their parents\u2019 behaviour, divorce and reconstructed home environments.\u201d
\nShe says that these are some of the environmental influences that children are dealing with and may model this behaviour at school.
\n\u201cSome children are in environments where they themselves are being bullied at home, this may be by a parent or sibling, and they may act out at school,\u201d says Johnson.
\nShe adds that some bullies may have \u2018small man syndrome\u2019 where they feel the need to assert their power in a physical manner or they may be more verbally competent than their peers and use verbal sparring to undermine their classmates.
\nAccording to Johnson, bullies are often children who have little empathy for others and tend not take responsibility for their actions.
\n\u201cThey are often aggressive and angry children that haven\u2019t found constructive ways to deal with their emotions and take them out on other people,\u201d says Johnson.
\nShe adds that sometimes children who bully can be emotionally immature for their age group and therefore resort to physical aggressiveness and meanness.
\nJohnson says bullies often like to be winners and are poor losers with a low frustration tolerance who cannot cope with losing.
\n\u201cChildren who are disciplined harshly or in a punitive way often act this out and may become bullies. Bullies are often defiant attention seekers who are popular with lots of friends.\u201d
\nJohnson adds that it needs to be remembered that bullies are victims too.
\n\u201cThere is often underlying reasons for their behaviour.\u201d She says that they often feel the need to be in control and to feel good about themselves because they have a low self-esteem.
\n\u201cThese children have a poor self-image and lack confidence, they compensate for these feelings by acting out and try to dominate their peers through aggression or isolation,\u201d says Johnson.
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Impacts of being bullied<\/b> The parents\u2019 role<\/b> In our previous article we asked parents if they have ever been sued or had to sue for child maintenance.
\nJohnson says bullying causes stress on children, has a negative impact on their self-esteem and cripples their confidence in their own abilities.
\n\u201cThis affects all areas of their life especially in their scholastic performance.\u201d
\nShe adds that these children often feel isolated, become introverted and develop psychosomatic symptoms, such as headaches, to get out of going to school.
\n\u201cVictims of bullying may start cutting or harming themselves and this could lead to suicide.\u201d
\nShe says that if parents identify that their child is being bullied, parents need to address the problem immediately.
\nIf they are being bullied because of a physical reason, such as a mole, then parents should remove it to alleviate the problem.
\n\u201cParents should also ask their child how they can help them. If the parent confronts the bully this may make things worse for the victim and it will disempower them.
\n\u201cIf the bullying occurs during break time, the child may want to sit near the teacher on duty or surround themselves with their friends, making them inaccessible.\u201d
\nShe adds that if the bullying continues the parent should contact the principal of the school.
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\nIf your child is a bully, Johnson suggests that parents try and assess what is causing their behaviour.
\n\u201cLook at the child\u2019s environment and how you, as a parent, deal with and speak to people,\u201d says Johnson.
\nShe says that if a parent belittles or is derogatory towards people the child will model this behaviour.
\n\u201cParents should also take note of what their children are being exposed to. This includes television shows, cartoons and the PlayStation games they play.\u201d
\nJohnson says that children should not be exposed to age inappropriate entertainment.
\n\u201cReinforce positive behaviour, if you see your child do something good, praise them for it.\u201d
\nParents should encourage group activities where their children are put in a position where they have to co-operate with their peers.
\nJohnson says that karate is a positive outlet for children as it teaches self-discipline and will allow their child to channel their anger constructively.
\n\u201cChildren also require consistent boundaries and limits and should be taught that other people are not there to be hit or hurt.\u201d<\/p>\n
\nThis is what some had to say:
\nCrude Squad:<\/b> I saw how tough it can become, when my mom and so-called dad got divorced. My dad could easily pay his \u2018new children\u2019s\u2019 school fees but not his own! We never had birthday parties or pocket money, but his new children got it all, while we were starving at home! I know many families with the same problem.
\nWendy Sharon Harrison:<\/b> I\u2019ve spent the better part of the last five and a half years on this hamster wheel. The process works, if it\u2019s respected, however when the court agreements and orders are simply ignored, the support to rectify the situation from the court\u2019s side, is severely lacking. It also creates unnecessary expenses with legal fees, I can understand why so many primary caregivers give up!
\nMma Lethabo:<\/b> This thing of maintenance is good because most fathers don\u2019t want to maintain their own children. We as women, must make a plan to raise them. Big up to maintenance because these fathers will have to pull up their socks when it comes their way.
\nLeilani Kermis:<\/b> Ah but then you get those who do get helped with raising the child but the mother keeps the child away from the dad but is quick to run to court.
\nLillian Bester Vd Berg:<\/b> Yes, and it did not help me one bit, he just got away with it<\/p>