Are you living with a terrible secret\u2026 a secret about someone you know or a person you trusted violating a child\u2019s rights?<\/p>\n
Or, have you kept the ordeal you had to endure as a child a secret?<\/p>
Many people do not expect or will never believe that heinous crimes, such as rape or molestation, can be committed in their own home or by those they trust.<\/p>\n
Many adults who do find out that this has happened either do not know how to deal with it, cannot accept that a loved one or someone they \u201cknow well\u201d has committed this crime or may not trust what the victim has said.<\/p>
What do you do to protect children?<\/p>\n
What do you do if the ones you love or know have committed such crimes against you or a child?<\/p>\n
What do you do if you have kept these crimes a secret?<\/p>\n
Henning Jacobs, trauma support coordinator at ER24, said victims who chose to keep quiet or who were never taken seriously while they were young must seek justice by reporting the perpetrator.<\/p>\n
\u201cSome victims keep quiet for many years and live with the pain and trauma,” she explained.<\/p>\n
\u201cA huge injustice has been done to these people; perpetrators must be brought to book.<\/p>\n
\u201cFinding justice will help victims to work through their emotional problems.<\/p>\n
\u201cThe first step is to report the incident\/s to the police and open a case.<\/p>\n
\u201cVictims should seek legal advice on the steps they should take; they should also seek counselling.\u201d<\/p>\n
Speaking about children, Jacobs said that they should be taught as early as possible that no one is allowed to touch them inappropriately.<\/p>\n
\u201cCrimes such as rape or molestation committed by a father, uncle or someone else close, like a brother or family friend, is shockingly common,” he added.<\/p>\n
\u201cGirls and boys should be informed from the age of about three years old what behaviour is okay and what is not.<\/p>\n
\u201cThey should be taught that they do not have to do anything they do not want to do when it comes to physical touch.<\/p>\n
\u201cMake them aware of their bodies.<\/p>\n
\u201cParents should ensure they have a great relationship with their children so that the children are comfortable telling them anything.\u201d<\/p>\n
Jacobs said perpetrators use \u201clove\u201d to fool children.<\/p>\n
\u201cSome perpetrators tell victims that what they are doing is the way they express this love,” he explained.<\/p>\n
\u201cOthers tell children they are playing a game and that it is their secret game.<\/p>\n
\u201cThey also compensate these children with presents and sweets.<\/p>\n
\u201cChildren are blackmailed and often keep quiet due to fear.<\/p>\n
\u201cSome perpetrators tell them that if they tell anyone, something bad will happen.<\/p>\n
\u201cFor instance, children are told that they will be taken away from their homes, while some victims are told that someone, such as their father, will go to jail.<\/p>\n
\u201cVictims are often ashamed and feel that what has happened is their fault.\u201d<\/p>\n
According to Jacobs, there are a number of reasons why a mother, for example, keeps quiet or ignores what the child is saying to her.<\/p>\n
\u201cOne of the common reasons is finance; the mother may be financially supported by the perpetrator,” he said.<\/p>\n
\u201cOften, mothers are also scared of the perpetrator and may fear for their own lives.<\/p>\n
\u201cThe victim\u2019s mother might also not believe the child.<\/p>\n
\u201cPeople who know that someone was or is being sexually assaulted should not keep quiet.\u201d<\/p>\n
Jacobs added that adults must understand that, by keeping quiet, they are indirectly telling the child that they are lying and are not trusted.<\/p>\n
As a result, the child will grow up and struggle to trust other people.<\/p>\n
The effect of the adult who knows keeping quiet is devastating on the child.<\/p>\n
\u201cAdded to this, if the perpetrators get away with it, they may do it to more children; perpetrators must answer for their deeds,” Jacobs said.<\/p>\n
\u201cIt is also illegal to keep quiet.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhenever a law is broken and someone is told about it, that person is, according to law, obliged to take further steps.\u201d<\/p>\n
He advised that children should speak to another, trusted person if they encounter problems with the initial person in whom they confide.<\/p>\n
\u201cIf a child discloses to a teacher, for instance, and the mother or parents think that the child is lying, the teacher must help the child and ensure that the police or social services get involved.<\/p>\n
\u201cLegally an adult is obliged to act and report it when a child discloses to them that they are being sexually assaulted,\u201d said Jacobs.<\/p>\n
A case should be opened and charges should be laid against the perpetrator.<\/p>\n
The police can help victims by finding a social worker to assist.<\/p>\n
Then an interdict should be put in place preventing the perpetrator from being within a certain range of the child or the parent\/s.<\/p>\n
\u201cA court case will then follow,” Jacobs said.<\/p>\n
\u201cThe court will decide what is best for the child and what happens to the perpetrator.<\/p>\n
”An educational psychologist also needs to be involved so that the child can receive help.<\/p>\n
”The educational psychologist can testify in court as well.<\/p>\n
\u201cExtensive counselling is needed to help ensure that the child works through the emotional and physical trauma they have experienced.<\/p>\n
\u201cThe parents or people close to these children who were affected also need psychological help to come to terms with what happened and to know how to help the child through the process.<\/p>\n
\u201cTrauma counselling will help these people put coping skills in place to help them deal with the aftermath of the abuse.<\/p>\n
\u201cThe road to recovery is a long and hard journey, but counselling helps them through the journey and helps them to heal emotionally.\u201d<\/p>\n
There are several long-term effects of sexual abuse on children.<\/p>\n
These include psychological disorders, such as depression, suicidal tendencies and problems during marriage, should the person get married, or with partners later on in life.<\/p>\n
Jacobs said that children who were sexually assaulted sometimes become adults who sexually assault children as well.<\/p>\n
Signs that parents can look out for in children who have been sexually assaulted include huge personality changes.<\/p>\n
If a child is generally talkative and all of a sudden is withdrawn, this could be a sign.<\/p>\n
A child may withdraw from the person who harmed them.<\/p>\n
If it is an uncle or friend for instance, the child might tell parents that they do not want to visit this person anymore.<\/p>\n
ER24\u2019s emergency contact centre can be reached 24 hours a day, on 084 124, for any medical emergency.<\/p>\n
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